Finding Christ amongst things of the World...

I decided to shed some light on a battle we face in life.. Worldy things Vs Him.I've often wondered what it would take to become a "christian woman", you see I have such a strong past, good and bad, for years I didn't even feel worthy of being a woman of Christ, I didn't even live life by His word... I lived by my own rules. I had a child out of wedlock, drugs, drinking, partying, denied Him, ect... how could I now claim to walk with Him. I've often had trouble defining things of this world verses Him. See, I really enjoy things of this world... television, entertainment, music (especially hip hop)... and I couldn't draw a line between how important those things were verses my future, my eternity
For a long time after losing my Mom I didn't go to church, in fact I shook my head and agreed when people told me how she was in a better place... but the fact is I didn't even believe it. My worldy emotions blocked what was real. I was so haunted by things that I had done to her and myself, I was broken from the inside out. Faith, lost- love, hard to accept- life, what life?
Finally I came to terms with my feelings and admitted to myself that I was so wrong--- God DOES love me, He would NEVER abandon me...I had abandoned myself... but how do I find my way back. I've gone astray for so long, does God even want me back, does He even know where I am and what I need, am I worthy of His love and forgiveness? I've always found that the harder I search for Christ the further away He seems, when I'm not aware of how much I need Him I almost take Him for granted I guess--- but when it's bad and I search for Him, He seems so far away. At this point, there is nothing to lose, search for Him and don't stop until you find Him.
Things of this world blur our vision, they cloud our judgement, it's like a dark cloud hovering over us when we are vulnerable, satan hard at work. When we are at our best, confident and proud, dark clouds seep in and drown out the light we have.... and it's hard to find Christ in the dark, especially with all the worldy things around us... drugs, music, tv, friends, negativity, ect.Through this I've learned how to find Him and how things of this world can create a barrier between me and my eternity, my beliefs, and my pureness. For instance, I love music, hard core rap music (I know I'm flawed right)... the lyrics, the hype, the excitement, I enjoy it. Television, I like it, movies are my thing--- both are things of this world. When my faith, my eternity, and my sanity are at stake I have to let these things go if I want to find Christ. I have to focus my attention on what I NEED, not what I WANT. God doesn't want to come second to your lifestyle--- he should be our lifestyle.He doesn't need our opinion, He KNOWS what we need and commands that we live through Him... but we don't. We live through our own eyes, our own heart, our own emotions, our feelings, our expereinces, our desires.... and when it all fails--- we look to Him for help to pick up the peices. See this isn't judgement, this is a way of life... I've lived it too. So many times I see people lost, unable to find their way to Him, to salvation, to happiness, because they have a wall--- a wall of worldy things that clouds the truth, clouds His promises. Again, I'm flawed, I get caught up in the moment and enjoy worldy things a little to much... but I'm very blessed to have been given the chance to know the difference between the life that Christ promises me and the misery Satan offers. Eternity verses this world. I'm writing this blog for people who have the same problem finding light when it's dark, finding Him when He seems so far away... drown out the worldly things and He is right there... very close. When I question whether or not I'm "worthy" I open the good book who gives me PROMISES, not ask others who offer an "opinion" on who I am and where I'm going. I drown out pain of the world, promises of the world, and I focus on Him and what He says. The devil lies, all the time, and he will tell you what you want to hear to get you as far away as possible, believe that and stay aware of it.  Example: It's so important that we distiguish between Lil Wayne's lyrics and the truth God gives us... if you can't- get rid of Lil Wayne until you can-- it's entertainment and should never be your way of life. My lifestyle, my thought process, my choices, my pride kept me so far away from God for so long, I didn't think I was coming back--- after all it was easy to give up, finding hope and love took courage. I had to drown out people, activities, and entertainment- worldy things- to find Him... today I know what worldy things are, and they are temporary. My future is my eternity and focusing on the big picture rather than momentary satisfaction is critical in finding Christ. Although I still feel "unworthy" of His love, I believe Him and all He says... and I've learned through the rain and pain I still have to seek Him and believe Him... and it never fails--- through all the worldy things in my life, I find Him. I'm confident that as long as I can distinguish between the world adn eternity I will always find Him, He's never lost, I am.  Have a blessed night! Rachelle