forgiveness.

thought i'd shed some light on forgiveness today... i find it easy to speak on things i am good at but hard to talk about things i lack in... i definitley lack in this area and i think it's important to overcome it in order to work my way closer to Christ.
growing up, it was survival of the fittest... we didn't gain respect by "forgiving" people, we gained respect by hardness and saying whatever we felt at the moment, good or bad. it was normal to get in the face of someone who had wronged me and shout mean words to get back at them. popularity wasn't determined on how much you loves Jesus and followed His word, which is sad. looking back i often wonder if Jesus had anything at all to do with my decisions as a teenager and young adult, i really don't think He did, i was very selfsih. we weren't "gangsters" or anything, we just said whatever we had to say regardless of how it made others feel and how it made us look to our peers and other adults. i seriously lacked respect for myself and my soul... it's part of growing up i guess. in any event i think it's so important that we understand how to empathize with others because we are called to do so... you see God created us in his image but very often we act as Satan would... when we are upset and emotional all training goes out the window and we do what satisfies us at the moment. i've done this so often and finally realized, it damages MY soul whn i act in the moment. it stunts my own growth as a person and only i can control it. forgiveness comes in when you learn to accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be, and decide that if you don't deserve things they hand to you...  you have the ability to dismiss them from your life. God calls us to forgive, He doesn't ask that we excuse evil deeds or people who do bad or evil things to us. we control who is in our space... fogiveness is letting it go and not keeping it in your heart. hate, anger, bitterness affect you way more than it affects the person you hate... in fact the goal of someone with ugly or evil motive is typically to take you "there" ---to that place you don't want to go... to their level. you actually become them... the opposite of who you want to be. i've gone there, i've stooped, and i realize that i can't control what others do but i can control my reaction and... if i'm worried about MY soul and MY judgement i need to focus on MY life and MY reactions.
i've searched through scripture time after time thinking there was an exception clause to "forgive others as I have forgiven you" and "if you don't forgive you will not be forgiven." --- surely there must be an exception right, i mean God doesn't understand the specifics of this situation, there's no way He can expect me to let this go, i mean this is serious, this really hurts, this is unforgivable, unforgettable, this demands tough love, ................................................... nope. He does know the specifics, He does understand the situation, He knows it ALL, and regardless He still demands you FORGIVE. i struggle with this, seriously, it's a burden i've carried for so long because it's taking 27 years of "the way things are" and trying to change them to a new way of life, a new way of dealing, that's not easy. it takes alot to make me dislike someone but once i'm to that point i typically don't turn back... i don't go backwards.... so to forgive and forget isn't my specialty.
you see i've always overlooked this area of my life and made excuses for it... but when my Pastor demanded that i examine myself in order to bring light to dark places in my life i can't deny the burden of bitterness or anger anymore. who am i to make an exception to the rule of forgiving, He demands it and i need to shutup and obey. see, when you hate you are no longer the author of your story because you allow others to control your destiny, your mindframe, and your overall sanity. you give them the pen to write your story... this is satan's work and you need to know this. he lies, all the time... he tells us that we need to be this way in order to "survive" and avoid people "walking all over you". he promises that if you hate and hold anger others will not harm you, teach them a lesson, remind them of their flaws so they never forget them... and it's a clever plan because we all fall for it... but the truth is satan could care less about you, in fact he hates you because you were created in God's image and he hates God.
today, let it go. trust that Christ has your back, His arms are wide open, and when others disppoint you- you need to turn to Him, not your own understanding of the sitution. people have done some pretty evil things to me.... so that's my struggle, how do you forgive people who aren't sorry or don't see the true pain they have caused... so i pray about it... and God says "rachelle, i'm not telling you to have dinner with folks who hate you, rate you, belittle you, and hurt you... what i'm saying is give it to me. i want your burden, i died for your burden, i am equipped to carry your burden, but you MUST hand them over to me, you must trust me." and i think, wow, what a blessing to have a God that would take the negativity i deal with and give me the ability to start fresh everyday.truth is, you deserve better, i deserve better. be content, understand His love for you, understand the purpose of people in your life, good and bad......... whether they teach you lessons by bringing pain or teach you by bringing blessings... it's all for a reason. dismiss those who hurt you, don't be afraid to keep them out of your space... but don't hate and don't hold bitterness, let it go. watch the weight lift from your shoulders and enjoy the new you.... because it will create a new you. God rescues you from the enemy, you can't rescue yourself, get over it, let the pride and arrogance go, God's power and love is way to great for those who hate you (psalm 21:8), evil people self destruct (psalm 34:21), God will deliver you, you don't have to deliver yourself (Psalm 44:7)--- these are His promises straight from the good book, I'm not asking you to take my word for it, read His word.
am i perfect, far from it... but when i make my "bucket list" i don't have sky diving on it, i have learning to forgive and let God handle situations for me. i'm not equipped to handle everything (hard thing to admit). i don't have an S on my chest, i need help. i know that this is defintley a test for my soul and i wanna pass, i don't lose... but i've lost this battle for so long. i'm ready and i pray that God intervenes when things happen so that i may see Him, not my selfish heart. to grow i must SURRENDER to Him and admit that He is the one and only... i have to learn to depend on Him in areas of my life that trouble my soul. today, i forgive myself (very important), at times i have failed as a daughter, mother, friend, wife... and as people have forgiven me-- i've also forgiven myself. i forgive my enemies, i forgive my husband and all those close to me who have hurt me, i forgive those who have wronged me, and i ask that God handle things while i seek his kingdom... and above all i trust He will. i keep people i love close to me and i let others go, they don't and won't control me, ever. most important, i teach my daughter the same... be content in your skin baby because God handles everything, good and bad. i look forward to better days ahead and know that if i want to live some parts of me must die.
lesson: strong people forgive, weak people carry hate.
have a blessed night, Rachelle Williams