how to love.

sharing my expereince on love and the impact it's had on my life. i got big love, like huge, i'm hungry for love, i enjoy it, i embrace people who love me, and i believe in being loyal to people who truly care about me. i feed off of people who i love, they are my lifeline. they don't have to be perfect, they just have to be real. i pray about love, i ask all the time that God put more of it in my heart so it shines through all the darkness of my world... i believe Paul when he described it as the "greatest of all" in the bible, i always read that scripture when i wonder how hard i should love others.
my husband, wow we been through so much together, we have alot of history. met the man when iu was 13 years old and been in his presence on and off ever since. although my definition of love has changed through the years the fact that i do love him hasn't. you see until i had brooklyn my expectations weren't very high, i just wanted to be around him and that was enough for me.  today, my expectations are way higher when it comes to love. you come to love people by who they are, not what they do. so many times people have asked me "how did you do it" and i'm like one word pretty much explains it, love. i don't expect everyone to understand but i think it's important we all know a love, an unconditional love, at one point in life. it's refreshing, it's a good expereience, sometimes hard, but a good one that teaches the true value of relations God has given us.
how i did it, there's no right or wrong answer... i just did it with alot of prayer and love. at the beginning of the year someone asked me "rachelle, what is enough for you, will you ever have enough" and that answer came very easy to me you see... because when i married this man i vowed to love him as long as i have the power to do so... and God is the only person who can take that power from me; i'm convinced He will do that if He ever feels i need to get out.
you can't allow others in your space, your marriage and relationship isn't supposed to be understood by others, ever. they not supposed to be able to case your household and figure out what's going on. it's one thing to confide in a friend or seek advice when you are confused but you should pray FIRST, and the answer always lies btw you and your mate, you just have to figure it out.
in any case, love doesn't come and go. it's a process and it's not a game... someone once told me, "it's all a game and i enjoy playing it..." and all i could think was wow, i really felt sorry for her.... you are a lost soul if you think anything from God is a game much less the greatest thing He has given us. you see you can't control your spouse or his decisions, you can't control other females, but you can control the way you handle yourself, the way you love, and the way you live life in front of your family and children. you can love until God tells you to do otherwise and marriages are meant to stick together, never fall apart.
i've also been blessed with a daughter, and as with most mothers, having her made me see things from a whole different light. life changed, expectations changed, standards changed, my overall respect for myself and others changed, because i have a life in my hands. someone looking at everything i do, everything i say, and understands my thoughts and desires.... it was actually very scary for me for a long time. i had no clue on how to balance my life with hers, when to do what i wanted versus what she would want me to do. don't get me wrong, i've fell off and made selfish decisions but i've always been blessed with insight on things before they got outta hand and went to far. it's important that us mothers understand the ways we show our children, we are the center of the home and their life, they are very smart, and they KNOW. they know, took me a while to get that. i thought "she's young, she don't know" and then  I'm like she may not know today but she will one day... everything we do comes to light. when i brought her home i thought of all the things i put my parents through and was like how could i do that, these people gave me LIFE, and i just took them for granted and made such selfish decisions. i was able to relate with the pain i caused because now i had someone who i loved so deeply and knew it would kill me if she ever hurt me the way i hurt them... i still think about this often, especially now that my mom is gone. i can only p
see this is all love, coming to realize right from wrong, understanding people who care about you, and caring in return. it's a beautiful thing... but just as their is love, there is hate... and if you aren't careful the darkness of hate can consume your relationships and cloud your thoughts... and the tragedy can happy-- you become just like those that hate you. hate is so easy, anyone can hate, some are genetically made to hate (i believe) and the only cure--- absence. get them away from you and don't allow them in your space. ever. know them from a distance. satan is busy, and God gives you choices, one being to love or to hate, and our generation--- we typically do what easy.
lesson: be big today, love big, and keep haters out of your space. pray for clarity and accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. everyone is not you, don't let actions of others determine where you go and how you live. the famous words "do you" have drastic meaning... do it and do it right. there is only one me, only one you, and  we deserve happiness, we all do. be happy, enjoy blessings, appreciate love God has given you, and learn from experiences.
today, i pray for love, i pray that it always outweigh hate, that at one point and time we all expereince true unconditional love. it's a pretty amazing feeling to have someone love you flaws and all. it's easy to love someone perfect, it takes a strong person to love through imperfections... it's a glimpse of what God goes through on a daily basis... loving imperfect people. may God bless all relationships, all marriages, and all children... that we all know love and embrace it.
be blessed, rachelle.