Baby Girl

Baby Girl.

A girl meets a guy- both are really young, she takes his heart right out of his chest and he is so into her… he will never let her go.

They have a child… A girl is born to two people who love her so much, they look at her and think “wow, we did this”.
They vow to do the best they can with her life and agree that changed need to be made, after all they brought her here.
He works, hard labor, driving across the country, gone for weeks at a time, she stays home with the baby girl.
The baby girl, a hand full. Doesn’t sleep much, in fact hardly at all. She’s full of energy, sassy, and hard headed.
Momma is exhausted, all of her family is out of state and his family isn’t really into her. Sometimes she feels alone, really alone.
Daddy, doing what men do, thinks it’s ridiculous to be an exhausted “stay at home Mom”… all you do is stay home! (right)
“I work, I bring in the bacon, I’m the breadwinner, I’m gone 80% of the time, when I come home things should be in order”… why aren’t things in order. Money’s low, bills aren’t paid, vehicles broken, house is dirty, fridge is empty. What’s going on?
Mom is doing the best she can with what she’s given, for it isn’t until a man SEES the action behind the scenes that he truly understands
what it takes to raise a child.
Although love is important, there is also affection, time, dedication, selfless acts day after day after day.
Momma stresses Daddy out, Daddy stresses Momma out, everyone is stressed out.
Momma picks up a bottle to cope a little, to get a good nights sleep, all she needs is one good nights sleep--- but one night turns into five. Daddy, on the road, he does his own thing to release the tension, pain, and negativity. He falls into pits of darkness finding it hard to crawl out.
He calls, they fight, she drinks, he smokes, she blames, he blames, there’s infidelity, bitterness, aggravation, and tension… but they have one connection, one thing worth fighting for, the beautiful daughter, baby girl, they brought into the world.
Questions arise, “should we even be together, how is this supposed to work, I thought you loved me”.
Mommy seems miserable, the baby/child can sense it. She sees Momma cry most of the time---Daddy sheds his tears on the road, away from home. He doesn’t allow people to see his pain, he hides it. Holidays come and go, around everyone it’s all smiles, when they get home all hell breaks loose. Momma has secrets, Daddy has secrets, they are broken individuals who are even more broken together.
Momma tells her daughter several times, “I’m staying for you, I want you to have a family.” Daddy explains “It’s a grown up thing, you
Wouldn't understand. Your Momma doesn’t know how hard I work for this family.” They fight, oh they fighting, the screaming, yelling, breaking, throwing, violence, drugs, alcohol, again—the yelling.At one point her and Momma leave to get a loaf of bread at the grocery store… and never return home. They drive 14 hours before stopping. Momma cries the entire way there, she’s scared. It will be okay, I trust her, I really trust her. She explains that she and daddy need to be apart to make things better. Daddy finds out they have left town and is enraged, “you will regret this.”
The daughter—confused—she just wants permission to love both of her parents, nothing more nothing less. She hates being away from her father. In fact as an adult, when she is mad at Daddy, Momma explains how much she hated life without him during the time they were gone.
Eventually, a year later, Momma goes back because she sees the pain in her daughter’s eyes, her daughter wants her father. Her daughter doesn’t understand what she escaped; she doesn’t understand what the price of returning is… she just wants her father.
Upon return to Daddy, the situation was sticky but baby girl was happy to be a family again. Her family, one again… behind the scenes, arguing, misunderstanding, aggravation. To the world, it was good, inside it was tense.

Baby girl is growing up, seeking truth, seeking love, she knows a lot, she sees a lot. She’s misunderstood, she’s different. She likes challenge and victory, she’s head strong, determined to get her way, she’s a bit on the spoiled side. Little respect for herself or others, she’s headed down a bad path. Baby Girl, questions her worth, her position, and whether or not she should have even been born. She doesn’t understand why Daddy hits Momma when Momma always says Men should never hit women. She doesn’t understand why Momma drinks, what’s in those bottles and forgets everything she said the night before. She makes promises, breaks them, Daddy says things that are very hard to believe about Mom, but would he lie?

As a teenager baby girl doesn’t understand the true place of a woman in the world. She doesn’t know what true family structure is and she actually thinks life is supposed to be chaotic. If there isn’t drama, something isn’t right. She thinks whoever “works” in the home has the power, the authority, and when others don’t listen—she should smack them around until they get it.The tension began to take over baby girl…. Mom and Dad’s problem became her problem… she now numbed her pain, clung to anyone who told her she was pretty. And Baby girl, at one point, thought about taking her own life to ease the tension. What does she have to lose, she’s not a contributing member to society yet, no kids, no responsibilities, others have everything to GAIN… they can move on- guilt free, nothing holding anyone back from happiness.

See that was baby girl 11 years ago… lost, confused, and questioning existence. Baby girl today knows the value of a parent, the struggles we face, the stress, the pain, the ups, the downs… she understands the road to salvation and the power of a praying mother--- her mother NEVER stopped praying. She now knows parents are human, they fall, they rise, they fail… but they are our parents. I’m positive God gives us experiences- good and bad- for a reason… He will get your attention, at all cost. I see things now through His eyes, through prying eyes. I get it, I understand how my Mom felt when I considered her weak, how my Dad felt when I saw him as a failure… I get it. You HAVE TO be able to see past your own opinion and envision what’s inside others… because we ALL fail. Not one day do I dwell on my Mother’s failures, never, I see her faith and strength. I see her for her, her heart. I don’t see my Dad as the violent or angry person he was at one time, he’s my father- he’s always worked hard and I admire his determination to feed his family.
Why do I see them, the real them? Christ showed me what I could not see with my own eyes.

 I wrote this because it’s a true story. Kids see all, they hear all, and they are a lot smarter than you think. EVERYTHING we do as parents affects our children… our attitude, our demeanor, our responses, our faith, our failure, everything.

I’m praying that parents stand up, rise above addiction, and above issues, and see past their own weaknesses.
No One has the right to judge you……………………….. except your children.  
Love yourself, respect yourself, and they will grow up and bring the same pride and respect into their own family and relationships. If you don’t like who you see in the mirror--- what do you think the kids think about who they see.
Being a parent is a blessing, but it’s a difficult task.

***I can’t tell this story without mentioning two life saving women in my life- my Nanny and my Grandmother. Through all of this, and I mean all of it, they kept baby girl grounded, they kept her happy, and t blessed her in many ways. These two women are my source of energy today and I love them both very much, they saved my life.***

 
This blog dedicated to my parents, these two people mean the world to me and I’m glad God chose them for me. See love shines through failure, love doesn’t fail. I see love when I see them, everything else fades away. Although they had hard times, my parents loved one another, a deep love that was able to see through all the bad things for over 20 years… a love that never died. It’s beautiful to me.  

 
Have a blessed day! Rachelle