Tegan Love

There are certain people in your life, not necessarily close to you, that have huge affects on you. One of those people in my life happens to be a little boy who is very sick with Sickle Cell. I've met him only twice, known his mother for years... and every few weeks or so his name, Tegan, comes to my mind and I pray for him. He sticks to my heart over the next few days and then my thoughts drift to the chaos in front of me.
Tegan is a 2 year old future superstar... or teacher... or President... or he could be the Dr. that discovers the cure for cancer. Only God knows...
Fact is Tegan is struggling to survive, daily. He's happy and often smiles through the pain-- probably because his mother is a warrior; he sees and feels her stregnth. She's a really young single mother with limited resources trying to keep her baby boy alive--- but if you ask her she's just a normal girl who loves music and adores her son. They take pictures constantly and sing all night long. She smiles through the pain and sings though the tears. She's focused, determined, and admirable, and REFUSES to take handouts. From day one she's been right by Tegan's side and hasn't missed a beat.
She's a champ compared to me on many levels and I'm positive God will bless her with the best for her and Teg.
I've come to realize---- God put Teg in his mother's hands because He knew his mother was perfect for him. She and God have guided Teg through legnthly hospital stays, repeat visits to the ER, IV after IV, medication after medication, sickness after sickness, and through it all I'm sure they have become a stronger unit.
It's no pity party, it's loving your neighbor, understanding their struggle, and walking in their shoes for a day or so... there are several ways you can help both Teg and Mom......

• Pray for Laci--- pray that God blesses her abundantly and He guides her down the path He's laid for her. Pray that Laci accepts His will and trusts that He will never, NEVER, let her down. May seem so in some moments, but overall He has her back. Pray that Laci keeps growing as a person, as a mother, and as a young lady, that she enjoys her life and prides herself on being a phenomenal mother.
• Tegan Needs Us: Pray that Tegan is strong enough to pull through ANY sickness and that he sees the face of God when he can't feel any worst. Pray that Tegan's family steps up to the plate and help his mother, I mean really help her, because she is doing the best she can with what she's been given. I pray that Tegan finds and donor and raises money for the procedure he needs, we can all make this happen. Lord, help us make this happen! The world needs Teg.... he has so much to offer!

All in all--- as I said I've met Tegan twice... but do you see why he and his mother touch my heart and will continue to do so?

 

Prayers go up to Teg and his family----have faith- you WILL find a match! You have alot of people who truly care about you and pray for you on a daily basis.

Please everyone-------
In the mean time please go to http://giveforward.com/teganlove -- it's a great way to start!
Read his story , it will touch your life.

Donate:  what's 20.00? Junk food you buy at the gas station durung the week.
what's 30.00? skip your daily soft drink and give the money to Teg's fund.
What's 10.00? Bring lunch from home one day rather than eating fast food.

Ready- Set- Donate

Sincerely,
Rachelle Williams

One & Only

If you are a certain age or hold a certain title in life you'll understand this blog without thinking twice about it... If not, read it again in a few years and you will. People take on certain roles in our lives, friend-mother-sibling-ect... These very roles tell u alot abt who we are inside... And believe it or not tend to shape how we see the world around us.
I enjoy roles, I love wing a friend and daughter, and above all a mother. I must admit though, I've allowed roles of ppl around me to shape too many days in the past. I've been hurt by loss which made me scared to love, misguided by ppl's inability to be trusted, and tested by ppl I truly thought would Always love me... And I've learned one thing--- my love is defined by me and me only. No one can hurt me bad enough to deter the way I love the person who deserves me, no one can damage the relations I have with ppl who worm for my trust, and no one can say they had anything to do with stopping me from reaching my destiny... Which is to obtain and maintain a family that has been thru it all and still has meals on Sundays! Me Shuga & her father- I'm determined.
I can't stress it enough, the tests of life, the walk, the jog, the fast pace, then the cool down... The moment where you ponder on your actions and wonder what would have/ could have been different if you would have said this/ done that... What if? There is no ro for what if, and if there is you aren't thinking hard enough, loving hard enough... Bc if you are those moments don't get away that easy. You appreciate them enough to recognize them and STOP before losing it. Blessed; I was so blessed... But to know a love and lose a love makes you NEED that love... So to know there was only one like it--- heartbreaking. I wanna be that love to my family, my friends, above all my daughter... That's my role- what's yours? Be your kids one and only, be the one and only... Love hard, try hard, work hard, bc life is hard... And I've known alot of ppl, alot of faces, been alot of places... But we all have something in common... The ability to be someone's ONE AND ONLY.
Ppl who know me know I don't smile for much, not much exited me, and I'm pretty uptight... I'm a "work in progress"... But nothing could ever express how being a wife and mother make me feel on a daily basis. My smile isn't wide enough, my laugh isn't loud enough, and I am not proud enough... Of the two ppl who see me and their one and only... I'm very blessed to play that role--- &&& I pray I do it well all the days of my life.

<3 Rachelle

Beauty.......Defined.

Want to share a quick thought on some “late night thinking”…

I’m learning that most of what we do in life boils down to choices…

Choices to do one thing or another… doing what we think is right at the time.

There does come a point in life where we do become responsible for those choices and it’s SO important to think ahead, that’s where maturity lies. Determining what’s best for your tomorrow and sometimes putting today’s feelings aside, seeing the overall picture and not reacting to what’s happening right now, this moment. Being able to hold back and not act and react based on emotion is a learned behavior… watch people who do it and compare their outcome to yours. It might be God working in your life, showing you someone else’s grace to help you realize your own.

Listen, I love my life, I am so greateful!

In no way am I saying you should be anyone but who YOU are, however… when you go through life thinking you have no room for improvement and no room for change you become foolish.

I understand that although I love ME (sometimes too much) I need to look around me, I need to improve, grow, and change to become the person I want to be… a better me, not a different me.

Be accountable, stop being selfish by saying “I’m me and I don’t care who doesn’t like it”… the fact is you should care who you are and how people see you because it may just be the way your kids see you, your family sees you, and even the way Christ sees you.

I’m not perfect but I have learned that the ability to listen and receive knowledge and wisdom is a GIFT that is instilled in every person… it’s the failure to use it that troubles us and makes life difficult. Open your mind, stop thinking small.

Nothing is more frustrating that someone, a beautiful person, with an UGLY heart, evil motive, and refusal to see the REALITY of their ways.

When all else fails, and I do mean ALL else--- from lying, cheating, stealing, and evil motive--- we tend to wonder what happened and why we are so miserable. If you don’t LIKE yourself don’t expect someone else to LOVE you. Beauty is inside out… and being beautiful isn’t easy. If you think I’m referring to perfect figure, made up face, and long hair… you’ve missed it and you don’t know beauty. 

Do the right thing, give yourself a chance to shine, and be beautiful!

AnyOne can be someOne… and dreams are for EveryOne…

but as a individual you need to see yourself as the ChoseOne and do what the UltimateOne calls you to do.

 

The Glory is His....

So... today was interesting.
I've always seen people in our ministry as "extraordinary"... they live right, speak the word of God, and pave the way for people like me, regular people with "regular" issues... so I thought.
Today, a close friend of my husband (and I), someone he grew up with, actually his childhood best friend, introduced himself as "Pastor Maxile".
Now, some may say "so what"... but the magnitude of this didn't hit me until I saw him at that podium....this was a huge wake up call for me and I'm very grateful for the expereince. Aside from the great word given by Pastor Maxile and guest speakers I sat and had so many thoughts running through my mind.
One: Pastors are human, they are just like you and me. They are called to lead and guide people to Christ... but they aren't Christ. They can't MAKE you love, obey, or even follow Christ. Seeing someone we grew up with, someone we know, become a Pastor actually made me really proud. It's admirable to lead a life assisting others in getting to Heaven, Glorifying God, and devoting time away from family and home to minister God's word to others... and all for His Glory, not your own.
Two: People are placed in our life for a reason.... Before you reject what your pastor and leaders tell you, think about this: When you die and meet God as we all will... and we answer for things we have done or not done--- He will remind you of the people He placed in your life to HELP you, to guide you, and make sure you know the word of God... such as Pastors. When I ask my Pastor questions I real answers, not what I want to hear, what I need to hear... I am the one who is typically broken or confused... I need to know what's real. So far I've had some very real expereinces with my Pastors and I'm so grateful for them.
If Damon, or any pastor for that matter, questions or doesn't fathom the impact pastors and leaders do and will have on lives let me break some of it down for you.
People who are lost, you help them get found... people who don't know Christ, you introduce them and change where they spend eternity... addicts, you bring them hope telling them that Christ is bigger than any addiction or any giants we face in life... in home life- marriage and family, work-- you teach us that no matter how hard we work, how rich we become, how many material things we aquire, the Glory goes to Him and Him alone... it actually has little to nothing to do with us. :) This is hard for me to accept sometimes because I work really hard... but it's all possible thru Him-- NOT me.
These lessons, the few of many that pastors teach, are HUGE. Your average person---- expereinces adultry in their marriage, some are abused, loss of faith, death of loved ones, financial hardship, expereince hatred and bittness in their heart, battling the enemy (satan), so when you bring the hope and glory of God to ONE person you are successful.
Example: two people who didn't even know me basically saved my life.
2 years ago I lost my mother, lost and broken I almost gave up on life and God- literally. Had it not been for my daughter and partly my husband... I'd be in a grave with her. I am almost ashamed to say it but losing my mother has changed my life in more ways than I'd like to say. Depression wasn't the word, I didn't step foot in church for a year, and I was so bitter with God I carried a chip on my shoulder about life in general. He wouldn't tell me why He took my mother and my heart grew hard, rather than turning TO Him i turned AWAY from him. I was officially lost, living daily with no purpose other than my daughter, sad, crying, and really broken. With the help of my pastors, I was found.... once was lost but now I'm found. Restored and renewed, God gave me another chance at happiness, life, and faith. His picture became clear, Broken I came to him at an all time low and literally got on my knees, threw up my hands, and said do whatever you need to do to me to get me right, I'm desperate and I need you. Today, I'm a Christian woman in prgress, with a acceptance of my mother's death, and a sincere love for Christ. He is my backbone and I know without Him I'm nothing. Nothing. Nothing.
Another: Less than a year ago my marriage was a mess... close to failure... and we all know I don't fail! My husband was lost, I was lost, and together there's no way we could find our way... almost called it quits... with the intervention of our amazing pastors we were... FOUND. I realized that the only person who could take my marriage and my ability to love my husband God... no one else. I needed Him and had to relinquish control to Him and accept His will... this situation was far to much for me to handle alone... I needed guidance, love, and understanding.... today, we are strong, we are FOUND, and we are united as husband and wife should be... all because of God, and God alone. My marriage is a result of His glory.
Lesson: Pastors have very difficult jobs, people depend on them, and WE need to pray for THEM more. We attend Our Saviors Church in Lafayette, and they have been life changing to me and Byron and I pray for our pastors.... I can't express it in words what they have done for us....
Again, to see someone I know so well give his life to Christ and devote life to spreading the word is amazing. I pray for him, his beauitful wife Casey, and their kids. I pray they be blessed, in abundance, and that they always have the courage and strength to lead. Like it or not, you're an example now, to people you don't even realize. I'm so happy for you and I will definitley be praying for you. We love you very very very much!
Thanks for everyone who put service together today, hope there are many more to come, and I'd love to be involved if I'm needed. God wants to do big things for all of us...
Casey---- btw-- don't forget, we need to start a women's ministry if possible!!!! Women need so much help, single mothers who do it all alone, wives of successful men who fall down the priority list- it breaks their spirit, I work on a daily basis with people with tons of money--- but lost souls, successful women who need to balance work and home, broken females who have been abused and thrown away, female addicts of young children (I was one of them)-- repaired mother daughter relationships,women who have been cheated on and hurt by their husbands, young women who need to know their worth, if momma won't tell them ministers need to before the first boy rolls along and does so. I have a dream about this, I really do... because women old and young need to know that God doesn't forget about us, He isn't far away, and people like you (and me) have been through so much,and can bring hope to them....
May God bless Damon and Casey's ministry and I love you all very much!
Rachelle

Thank You God... I haven't said it enough!

So today I'm sitting in a class with about 15 peers... and something took over my mind, made my stomach turn honestly. I look around me and see people who have been working for our company for 25-30 years... and I'M on the side of them, interacting with them, learning with them, and working with them. What they have done in 20 years I have been able to do in 5 (work related), what a blessing. At that moment I became really humble... thinking to myself "Really Rachelle... why do you not realize how truly blessed you are. How often do you thank God for your career?"My career, your talents, your motivation... all given to me by Him... and I don't thank Him often enough.

I've learned over time that being an over acheiver has it's good and bad... for one you work your tail off, constantly, to get where you want to be, then when you get there you decide you want to be elsewhere you start busting tail to get somewhere else... and at the end of the day you are rewarded with self satisfaction, the position you want, maybe even the salary you want... but the cost is lots of stress, hard work, time away from your family, ect. The problem comes when you and I fail realize who has given us these blessings,we think they are simply a result of our hard work right? Wrong... God alone.... has blessed me/you in my/your career and my/your heart will be empty regardless of how far we/I move up without acknowledging where it all comes from. So when I looked around me and saw people twice my age I had to feel pretty rediculous that I haven't recenently "thanked Him" for my career and opportunities and that I've actually complained about working so hard at times. At 27 years old I'm taking college courses, almost have a Bachlors degree, I work for a very reputable company, I'm an Assistant Manager of a very successful branch, working toward being a manager, and I work with some amazing people who show me, teach me, believe in me, guide me, and above all know my potential.
I haven't sat back in a while and actually thanked God for my opportunities, my job, for the talent He's given me, for my mentors, for my family support, for my position, and for my career. I tend to take credit for it because I work hard and acheive things... but really it all comes from Him. It is only through Him that I am where I am, can get where I want to be... my hard work must not be done in honor of money or pride or self satisfaction.... but in honor of Him. I need to be thankful EVERYDAY for this. The Glory is His, not mine, for without Him I'm just a flawed person with a title. Ephesians 6:6 says it all... Work hard, but not just to please your masters when they are watching.  As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with  enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for  people.Fact: all credit and honor go to God and God alone. Thank Him, over and over again. Apologize for taking credit, strive to serve Him, and turn to Him in your times of needs, in tough decisions, in career moves, in everything--- the answer lies in Him. All success, hard work, all pay checks, all promotions, mean absolutley nothing if we don't aknowledge the source of it all... God.  In closing, You true "promotion", the biggest of all, comes when you go from visiting Christ occassionally in times of need to leaning on Him in every aspect of your life (including your pareer) and embracing His truth and mercy.... You are promoted from a person-- a hard worker with a title, to a man/woman of God with a purpose (to serve) .Have a Blessed Night! Rachelle

Finding Christ amongst things of the World...

I decided to shed some light on a battle we face in life.. Worldy things Vs Him.I've often wondered what it would take to become a "christian woman", you see I have such a strong past, good and bad, for years I didn't even feel worthy of being a woman of Christ, I didn't even live life by His word... I lived by my own rules. I had a child out of wedlock, drugs, drinking, partying, denied Him, ect... how could I now claim to walk with Him. I've often had trouble defining things of this world verses Him. See, I really enjoy things of this world... television, entertainment, music (especially hip hop)... and I couldn't draw a line between how important those things were verses my future, my eternity
For a long time after losing my Mom I didn't go to church, in fact I shook my head and agreed when people told me how she was in a better place... but the fact is I didn't even believe it. My worldy emotions blocked what was real. I was so haunted by things that I had done to her and myself, I was broken from the inside out. Faith, lost- love, hard to accept- life, what life?
Finally I came to terms with my feelings and admitted to myself that I was so wrong--- God DOES love me, He would NEVER abandon me...I had abandoned myself... but how do I find my way back. I've gone astray for so long, does God even want me back, does He even know where I am and what I need, am I worthy of His love and forgiveness? I've always found that the harder I search for Christ the further away He seems, when I'm not aware of how much I need Him I almost take Him for granted I guess--- but when it's bad and I search for Him, He seems so far away. At this point, there is nothing to lose, search for Him and don't stop until you find Him.
Things of this world blur our vision, they cloud our judgement, it's like a dark cloud hovering over us when we are vulnerable, satan hard at work. When we are at our best, confident and proud, dark clouds seep in and drown out the light we have.... and it's hard to find Christ in the dark, especially with all the worldy things around us... drugs, music, tv, friends, negativity, ect.Through this I've learned how to find Him and how things of this world can create a barrier between me and my eternity, my beliefs, and my pureness. For instance, I love music, hard core rap music (I know I'm flawed right)... the lyrics, the hype, the excitement, I enjoy it. Television, I like it, movies are my thing--- both are things of this world. When my faith, my eternity, and my sanity are at stake I have to let these things go if I want to find Christ. I have to focus my attention on what I NEED, not what I WANT. God doesn't want to come second to your lifestyle--- he should be our lifestyle.He doesn't need our opinion, He KNOWS what we need and commands that we live through Him... but we don't. We live through our own eyes, our own heart, our own emotions, our feelings, our expereinces, our desires.... and when it all fails--- we look to Him for help to pick up the peices. See this isn't judgement, this is a way of life... I've lived it too. So many times I see people lost, unable to find their way to Him, to salvation, to happiness, because they have a wall--- a wall of worldy things that clouds the truth, clouds His promises. Again, I'm flawed, I get caught up in the moment and enjoy worldy things a little to much... but I'm very blessed to have been given the chance to know the difference between the life that Christ promises me and the misery Satan offers. Eternity verses this world. I'm writing this blog for people who have the same problem finding light when it's dark, finding Him when He seems so far away... drown out the worldly things and He is right there... very close. When I question whether or not I'm "worthy" I open the good book who gives me PROMISES, not ask others who offer an "opinion" on who I am and where I'm going. I drown out pain of the world, promises of the world, and I focus on Him and what He says. The devil lies, all the time, and he will tell you what you want to hear to get you as far away as possible, believe that and stay aware of it.  Example: It's so important that we distiguish between Lil Wayne's lyrics and the truth God gives us... if you can't- get rid of Lil Wayne until you can-- it's entertainment and should never be your way of life. My lifestyle, my thought process, my choices, my pride kept me so far away from God for so long, I didn't think I was coming back--- after all it was easy to give up, finding hope and love took courage. I had to drown out people, activities, and entertainment- worldy things- to find Him... today I know what worldy things are, and they are temporary. My future is my eternity and focusing on the big picture rather than momentary satisfaction is critical in finding Christ. Although I still feel "unworthy" of His love, I believe Him and all He says... and I've learned through the rain and pain I still have to seek Him and believe Him... and it never fails--- through all the worldy things in my life, I find Him. I'm confident that as long as I can distinguish between the world adn eternity I will always find Him, He's never lost, I am.  Have a blessed night! Rachelle     

Marriage---Ride or Die?

Decided to blog about marriage today…

I’ve been married for 4 years, 4 interesting years.

I married someone I’ve known since the age of 14, my child’s father, my best friend, and honestly someone who knows everything about me.

He is the only person on earth who knows that much about me. (Dangerous)

He is the only child by his mother and I am an only child so our household is pretty funny at times as we are both brats.

 

The best advice on marriage, if you aren’t ready, don’t do it!

I am in love but I wasn’t fully aware of the responsibilities that come with marriage. It requires attention, time, patience, devotion, love, and above all prayer. It isn’t good all the time and you have to learn to work through differences in a very unselfish way… you need to know HOW to do this. You also have to learn that marriage is between you and your spouse, no friends, kids, or family should be allowed in your business. No matter how mad, upset, or angry you get you have to seek out the best in your partner and for your partner.

Marriage gives new meaning to the term “ride or die”. LOL

 

It’s a big step and it can be a disaster if you aren’t prepared and ready for it… but it can also be beautiful. To share your life, good and bad, is fun. You have someone to walk with you through things, to make you smile, and to just be there to make you feel safe.

The Key: marry a GOOD MAN.

What a good man is not----- PERFECT. I find it funny when I hear women “search” for the right man yet they aren’t the right woman for anyone…? Don’t search for someone who doesn’t exist either. If he’s fine, rich, kidless, big home, nice car---- he ain’t SINGLE.

 

All jokes aside, marriage is a partnership. Satan works in marriages everyday… but together you have to overcome that. Be with a person who picks you up and makes you smile… someone who leads you to Christ and away from harm. Don’t settle for less than you deserve, he doesn’t need to be perfect but he needs to be smart. If he’s into other women, let him marry another woman. A man should have his mind and eyes set on you and you only. I’m not oblivious to male tendencies however I am convinced that real men, once they give their life to Christ, are able to battle any demons set before them.

As I said Satan works hard, you have to be able to walk with a man through hard times… he’s a man and WILL have them. The end result: a marriage stronger than you ever pictured, a family with a solid foundation and Christ as the head of your household. Christ put women in a man’s life for a reason, we are the emotion, the thinkers, the feelings… we lead them in areas they lack… but you have to be willing and able to do that.

 

Corinthians speaks well about marriage, I’ve read it a thousand times… here are some of my favs---

 

“Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other.” (1 John 3:16)

1 Corinthians 13 that “love is kind,” “does not delight in evil,” and “is not self-seeking”

1 Corinthians 7:27-28, that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”

I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

 

My husband, good person, good man, good father, and good husband… not perfect but good to his family. I don’t regret sticking by his side one day and I’m grateful that he and I have been through so much, there’s history and we are strong because of it.

Satan works, but he never wins. Never. I’ve enjoyed my journey with my husband and I know we can do anything through Christ. Good times, bad times, hard times, we are one… we do whatever necessary, forsaken ALL others, and make things happen. A bond no one can break, blessed by God, and supported by people we love… it won’t fail as Love never fails.

God first, family second, everything else after…………….

Thought of the Day: If you aren’t a strong woman you WILL NOT stay married. Period.
Key: Any man can love a million girls, but only a real man can love one girl a million ways.

Have a blessed day, Rachelle

 

how to love.

sharing my expereince on love and the impact it's had on my life. i got big love, like huge, i'm hungry for love, i enjoy it, i embrace people who love me, and i believe in being loyal to people who truly care about me. i feed off of people who i love, they are my lifeline. they don't have to be perfect, they just have to be real. i pray about love, i ask all the time that God put more of it in my heart so it shines through all the darkness of my world... i believe Paul when he described it as the "greatest of all" in the bible, i always read that scripture when i wonder how hard i should love others.
my husband, wow we been through so much together, we have alot of history. met the man when iu was 13 years old and been in his presence on and off ever since. although my definition of love has changed through the years the fact that i do love him hasn't. you see until i had brooklyn my expectations weren't very high, i just wanted to be around him and that was enough for me.  today, my expectations are way higher when it comes to love. you come to love people by who they are, not what they do. so many times people have asked me "how did you do it" and i'm like one word pretty much explains it, love. i don't expect everyone to understand but i think it's important we all know a love, an unconditional love, at one point in life. it's refreshing, it's a good expereience, sometimes hard, but a good one that teaches the true value of relations God has given us.
how i did it, there's no right or wrong answer... i just did it with alot of prayer and love. at the beginning of the year someone asked me "rachelle, what is enough for you, will you ever have enough" and that answer came very easy to me you see... because when i married this man i vowed to love him as long as i have the power to do so... and God is the only person who can take that power from me; i'm convinced He will do that if He ever feels i need to get out.
you can't allow others in your space, your marriage and relationship isn't supposed to be understood by others, ever. they not supposed to be able to case your household and figure out what's going on. it's one thing to confide in a friend or seek advice when you are confused but you should pray FIRST, and the answer always lies btw you and your mate, you just have to figure it out.
in any case, love doesn't come and go. it's a process and it's not a game... someone once told me, "it's all a game and i enjoy playing it..." and all i could think was wow, i really felt sorry for her.... you are a lost soul if you think anything from God is a game much less the greatest thing He has given us. you see you can't control your spouse or his decisions, you can't control other females, but you can control the way you handle yourself, the way you love, and the way you live life in front of your family and children. you can love until God tells you to do otherwise and marriages are meant to stick together, never fall apart.
i've also been blessed with a daughter, and as with most mothers, having her made me see things from a whole different light. life changed, expectations changed, standards changed, my overall respect for myself and others changed, because i have a life in my hands. someone looking at everything i do, everything i say, and understands my thoughts and desires.... it was actually very scary for me for a long time. i had no clue on how to balance my life with hers, when to do what i wanted versus what she would want me to do. don't get me wrong, i've fell off and made selfish decisions but i've always been blessed with insight on things before they got outta hand and went to far. it's important that us mothers understand the ways we show our children, we are the center of the home and their life, they are very smart, and they KNOW. they know, took me a while to get that. i thought "she's young, she don't know" and then  I'm like she may not know today but she will one day... everything we do comes to light. when i brought her home i thought of all the things i put my parents through and was like how could i do that, these people gave me LIFE, and i just took them for granted and made such selfish decisions. i was able to relate with the pain i caused because now i had someone who i loved so deeply and knew it would kill me if she ever hurt me the way i hurt them... i still think about this often, especially now that my mom is gone. i can only p
see this is all love, coming to realize right from wrong, understanding people who care about you, and caring in return. it's a beautiful thing... but just as their is love, there is hate... and if you aren't careful the darkness of hate can consume your relationships and cloud your thoughts... and the tragedy can happy-- you become just like those that hate you. hate is so easy, anyone can hate, some are genetically made to hate (i believe) and the only cure--- absence. get them away from you and don't allow them in your space. ever. know them from a distance. satan is busy, and God gives you choices, one being to love or to hate, and our generation--- we typically do what easy.
lesson: be big today, love big, and keep haters out of your space. pray for clarity and accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be. everyone is not you, don't let actions of others determine where you go and how you live. the famous words "do you" have drastic meaning... do it and do it right. there is only one me, only one you, and  we deserve happiness, we all do. be happy, enjoy blessings, appreciate love God has given you, and learn from experiences.
today, i pray for love, i pray that it always outweigh hate, that at one point and time we all expereince true unconditional love. it's a pretty amazing feeling to have someone love you flaws and all. it's easy to love someone perfect, it takes a strong person to love through imperfections... it's a glimpse of what God goes through on a daily basis... loving imperfect people. may God bless all relationships, all marriages, and all children... that we all know love and embrace it.
be blessed, rachelle.

life in general

deep thinking about life and all it's cracked up to be...learning valuable lessons on a daily basis. each of us define love differently when the truth is, there's one definition- given in corinthians- defined by paul. you can't make it something it's not, some people show their love with money, some with acts of kindness, others with services. who's right, i don't know. to be able to accept that is real love. to know that god doesn't give you a perfect person because He and He alone should be the only one seen as perfect.
yesterday i was down, today i had the world in my hands, wondering what He has in store for me because i hate not knowing... but the future wasn't meant to be know. i'm starting to realize that this life is a dream [or for some a nightmare] and we don't wake up until we die... how ironic. i enjoy things of this world but have to focus on things of my eternity, it's difficult. in a perfect world we would predict bad things to avoid them happening but... in God's world it NEEDS to happen, for a reason, and it's wasted time if we don't embrace the experience and see the TRUTH, that's the goal... to live in truth and get closer to Him... that's what it's all about.
the devil lies- all the time. he puts things right around my block, outside my window, on my tv, in my head, everywhere... it's scary. he desensitizes you to negativity to consume your time, your life, and your mind... and then he takes your soul. now i'm strong and pretty fearless... but when i think of this it's almost scary. you think it's great when things come easy... but forget that good things never come easy. if it comes easy it comes wrong {fact}.
for the longest time i wondered why people spoke on me, hated on me, ect... and finally i'm coming to a point where i see that it  has nothing to do with me. i give love, give respect--- but everyone has a breaking point right. my flaws shine through, anyone who has been around me for a day or so sees the, clearly... on a daily basis my flaws come out. my words, my actions, my reactions, my attitude... it's not on point 100% of the time. however i realize that He gave me those too... for a reason. they allow me to see people who really love me as they do with all my flaws, and the rest fade away.
everyone has battles in life, everyone. our enviornment, our friends, our upbringing, our education, our role models, ect... they all contribute to who we become. do we realize that when we choose who and what we put in our life? who/what has created who you are? grow up with financial struggles and addictions.... who's responsibility is it to overcome that and rise above it? really, does God expect me to just "know better'? btw, these are real questions to ask yourself? you do what you know, you become what you see, you understanding is based on how people around you understand people around them... and it's a cycle. how does one come to realize where they belong...
questions i thought i had all the answers to and boy was i wrong. life is a gift but it's rough and if you don't tackle it, it will tackle you. make choice, be acocuntable, accept your failures, and have faith that He has your back no matter what. i guess you figure out the rest along the way... so i have a long journey ahead of me, I'll enjoy the ride.
good night people.

a special person

tonight i will blog about my mother... because i miss her and my hearts heavy and i want people to get this... anyone can give birth, anyone... but kids, especially daughters are very very reliant on their mothers to teach them their worth and value in life. my mom fought a battle for years and years and it ended up taking her life. often as a child i'd sit and ask her "can't you just stop" i had no udnerstanding of what addiction was... and because i was so strong minded i thought anyone could do anything they wanted to do. period. i didn't udnerstand the worth of a bottle and that asking an addict to make a choice is like setting yourself up for disappointment if they can't.
at 12 i found her passed out and thought she was dead, at 15 i asked her to choose and she did what she had to, at 16 i was told she wouldn't see me graduate but she did, at 19 i was told she wouldn't see me have kids but she did, at 21 i was told she wouldn't see me get married but she did that too... she saw me live my life and find happiness, she shared it with me against all odds and i feel truly blessed that God gave me the time He did... wow. see listen, God knew without my daughter and husband i'd be in the grave with her, He knows your every need before you need it... so He held her until He knew I could survive... that's powerful. am i dishonoring her name, no... i'm being real about who my mother was and stating thru it all i still love and miss her regardless. we mothers, we have a big job on this earth, our kids need us, they thrive on us, they are us. my mother loved me with all her heart, she loved EVERYONE, literally. as i said, these things happen to the BEST of people. choose wisely, today's fun can be tomorrows pain...
it's foolish actually because why would someone want to slowly take their life, it's a serious problem that very very good people have. the hard part, kids can't distinguish between their parent and their parent's issues... then parents become the issue. children are invincible and they expect their parent to be the same, we don't get it. as a 27 year old female i can honestly say this: never, not one day, do i not wish i could go back and tell my mom that she was a great person regardless of any habbit, mistake, or issues she had. you see we don't tell ppl that enough, we wait until they dead to honor them, we don't honor them when they are here. we judge them, we misunderstand them, we pull the "tough love" act, and then we are full or sorrow and guilt when they leave the earth to go home. we want to send flowers or cry at the casket rather than picking up the phone, it's sad actually. we listen to songs that honor them, we quote them, we post pictures, we keep their belongings, pray for them.....we do all this when they are GONE... what do we do when they are HERE on earth with us? you see i carry my mother's ashes in my purse but didn't even take her to the movies when she asked while here on earth, i carry her checkbook but told her no when she asked for money, i carry her drivers lisence but wouldn't take a ride to wal mart with her when she called, i pray for her on a daily basis but didn't pray for her when she was on earth . crazy right.......

make no mistake, parents have to be accountable for their actions, but they are human, as we are. they are subject to mistakes, ugly ways, addiction, death, as well as forgiveness. honestly my issue is this... i forgave my mother a long time ago, but i didn't TELL her. it's very hard to lose someone with unsaid words and feelings... because you have to wait a full life time to see them again.
death, it makes the heart hard. i've never in my life felt so hard, disturbed, or emotional about things in my life. ever. it puts fear in you, fear of getting close to people because you don't want to feel the same pain if they die. see i loved my mother from a distance for so long thinking it would prepare me for her death, not being able to see her face, and i was so foolish. now that i can love her from a distance i'd give my life to see her up close. selfish i know, but its truth.
today, right now, i see my mothers good deeds and her sweet ways and wonder why i didn't see them while she was here. why didn't i aprpeciate them, strive to do the same, understand her needs and wants, and respect her decision while still staying close to her heart. answer: fear.
how is a person who isn't scared of anything now admitting her biggest issue was fear, because it's true. i always knew my mother would leave earth the way she did, at an early age, you see i "planned" this... so i thought... so why is it so hard?
face of the matter is you can't prepare for loss, it happens and hits you like a ton of bricks. you wont understand it, you will ask questions, and even temporarily lose faith. i did for a year, wouldn't step foot in a church, i was bitter and mad at God and didn't understand why He would take my mother and Brooklyn's grandmother. i focused on the "giants" of my life (like death) rather than the seeds (like her going home to be with her Creator). i pushed people away and had so many different emotions running through me i wasn't even sure who i was for a long time. i know i'ma  Christian but i didn't get it.
my mother was an alcoholic, i can say it and smile now, i cried for 23 years about it. i can accept it and all that came with it. i can accept her decisions and respect her because the truth is every expereince, good and bad, has taught me a lesson in my life. i want to have her faith and her generosity, and if it weren't for her i wouldn't know either. she has shed so much light on life and how difficult it can be, but how the victory is way bigger than the battle. it's not about earth, it's about eternity.
i miss her, i see her face everytime i close my eyes, literally. i cry i laugh i moan i fuss i do it all. we have ONE mother, no matter where she comes from, what she does, how she lives, her choices, ect... you are a reflection of her and when she goes a peice of you will too... you can't get that back. it's a bad dream you don't wake up from. surviving it takes a daily focus, prayer and a desire to live, really live. apologize, seriously, you don't know what it's like, you don't know how fast it happens and you don't know how guilt and anger can eat the heart, kill the spirit, and consume your soul. you have no idea... today i'm in a better place. i'm part of a phenomenal church with amazing pastors who take time to pray for me, i have a family who supports me, and i have a husband who understands me. he gets it. my faith in her destination keeps me sane, because there's no question she went to heaven. none. it gives me peace to know she isn't sick anymore and there are no more financial or health problems, only peace and grace, in a kingdom that inhabits a beautiful God who is love, pure love. i take myself there, clsoe my eyes and picture her face in a kingdom full of peace because my entire life, i wanted peace for her.
it's hard... but it's life. it's His will and it isn't up to me...His plan is bigger than mine. i miss her and the selfish part of me wants her here with me and my daughter, but eternity if a perfect place for her gorgeous heart. i wish i was as forgiving, giving, and understanding as she was... love family, don't swear small things, and ask God to give grace when dealing with troubled family members.... it's worth it, trust me. Lesson: LOVE TODAY. rip to my mother...