One & Only

If you are a certain age or hold a certain title in life you'll understand this blog without thinking twice about it... If not, read it again in a few years and you will. People take on certain roles in our lives, friend-mother-sibling-ect... These very roles tell u alot abt who we are inside... And believe it or not tend to shape how we see the world around us.
I enjoy roles, I love wing a friend and daughter, and above all a mother. I must admit though, I've allowed roles of ppl around me to shape too many days in the past. I've been hurt by loss which made me scared to love, misguided by ppl's inability to be trusted, and tested by ppl I truly thought would Always love me... And I've learned one thing--- my love is defined by me and me only. No one can hurt me bad enough to deter the way I love the person who deserves me, no one can damage the relations I have with ppl who worm for my trust, and no one can say they had anything to do with stopping me from reaching my destiny... Which is to obtain and maintain a family that has been thru it all and still has meals on Sundays! Me Shuga & her father- I'm determined.
I can't stress it enough, the tests of life, the walk, the jog, the fast pace, then the cool down... The moment where you ponder on your actions and wonder what would have/ could have been different if you would have said this/ done that... What if? There is no ro for what if, and if there is you aren't thinking hard enough, loving hard enough... Bc if you are those moments don't get away that easy. You appreciate them enough to recognize them and STOP before losing it. Blessed; I was so blessed... But to know a love and lose a love makes you NEED that love... So to know there was only one like it--- heartbreaking. I wanna be that love to my family, my friends, above all my daughter... That's my role- what's yours? Be your kids one and only, be the one and only... Love hard, try hard, work hard, bc life is hard... And I've known alot of ppl, alot of faces, been alot of places... But we all have something in common... The ability to be someone's ONE AND ONLY.
Ppl who know me know I don't smile for much, not much exited me, and I'm pretty uptight... I'm a "work in progress"... But nothing could ever express how being a wife and mother make me feel on a daily basis. My smile isn't wide enough, my laugh isn't loud enough, and I am not proud enough... Of the two ppl who see me and their one and only... I'm very blessed to play that role--- &&& I pray I do it well all the days of my life.

<3 Rachelle

New Levels- Where does your Trust lie

Have you ever met someone and days later wondered if they were God sent to teach you something...? With my job I meet lots of interesting ppl so it's a privilege to see and hear many views from successful ppl as well a those who struggle. It's literally the most broken ppl who are the most humble... And I often listen rly closely to what is said and am amazed by the peace ppl have in the midst of trials and tribulations. Personally, I freak out-- all the time-- and my life is not close to the struggle others face. Makes me think alot (as I do anyway) abt how I handle things an my attitude toward hard times. I tell myself that I trust God and know He wld never fail me... But in the moment do I believe it, prove it, show it...? & how does my lack of trust make Him feel? I believe there are several levels of faith, my grandmother for instance is one of His masterpieces and her life is proof of how He works in ppl and how far true faith will take you. Me, I'm young... And I have work to do. :) at the end of everyday I DO trust God however in moments of chrisis or struggle, even financial hardship and not being able to have what I WANT when I want it, I often look at the situation and MYSELF rather than looking UP for His guidance. I freak out, wonder why things are happening to me Or my family, get angry, bitter, frustrated... And overthink ways to "make things right." too many timea I've placed my trust in money, people, or ideas... Those things are garanteed to fail you.
Humble, complete trust---That's a new level of faith I want to complete bc I want to be humble each day and those who FULLY trust Him are humble. Life throws things at all of us, we go to church, we worship, we read His word, we praise Him, we pray... But how much do we TRULY TRUST Him.?.?
So in the midst of situations I've made a vow to look UP and do something real simple--- ask Him for help. He's there, He doesn't leave us, so it's up to us to look to Him and thank Him for ALL experiences bc He is perfect, doesn't make mistakes, so it all has a purpose.
My Mom was this way, she had moments but overall she was alwayssying that God would make a way for her... Naive and young I'd say "Mom WE make our own way..." honestly thinking that God had nothing to do with success... I always based it on skill and motivation. Again, NAIVE. Truth---God has planted seeds in me from the beginning and as I grow/improve/learn/experience I simply water them and they blossom into successes... How dare I not recognize that and THANK Him!
Today, I realize where it ALL comes from, I'm grateful, I know without Him I cld be as talented as I wanna Be, I am NOTHING. New levels of faith, I'm getting there--- giving Him
Glory... Credit where it's desired, and being the Christian I'm called to be. Trust the right One and you'll never be disappointed, He doesn't fail.
He gave me my family, motherhood, called me to be a wife, a friend, a leader, an example... And I want to be just that. At time I fall but never levels of faith are tweaked and I get back up- stronger, wiser, and better.
All glory to Him... The center of my heart, love of my life, and reason for my being...

Have a Bleased day.
Rachelle
the GLORY and trusting Him, all the time (good and bad).

Finding Christ amongst things of the World...

I decided to shed some light on a battle we face in life.. Worldy things Vs Him.I've often wondered what it would take to become a "christian woman", you see I have such a strong past, good and bad, for years I didn't even feel worthy of being a woman of Christ, I didn't even live life by His word... I lived by my own rules. I had a child out of wedlock, drugs, drinking, partying, denied Him, ect... how could I now claim to walk with Him. I've often had trouble defining things of this world verses Him. See, I really enjoy things of this world... television, entertainment, music (especially hip hop)... and I couldn't draw a line between how important those things were verses my future, my eternity
For a long time after losing my Mom I didn't go to church, in fact I shook my head and agreed when people told me how she was in a better place... but the fact is I didn't even believe it. My worldy emotions blocked what was real. I was so haunted by things that I had done to her and myself, I was broken from the inside out. Faith, lost- love, hard to accept- life, what life?
Finally I came to terms with my feelings and admitted to myself that I was so wrong--- God DOES love me, He would NEVER abandon me...I had abandoned myself... but how do I find my way back. I've gone astray for so long, does God even want me back, does He even know where I am and what I need, am I worthy of His love and forgiveness? I've always found that the harder I search for Christ the further away He seems, when I'm not aware of how much I need Him I almost take Him for granted I guess--- but when it's bad and I search for Him, He seems so far away. At this point, there is nothing to lose, search for Him and don't stop until you find Him.
Things of this world blur our vision, they cloud our judgement, it's like a dark cloud hovering over us when we are vulnerable, satan hard at work. When we are at our best, confident and proud, dark clouds seep in and drown out the light we have.... and it's hard to find Christ in the dark, especially with all the worldy things around us... drugs, music, tv, friends, negativity, ect.Through this I've learned how to find Him and how things of this world can create a barrier between me and my eternity, my beliefs, and my pureness. For instance, I love music, hard core rap music (I know I'm flawed right)... the lyrics, the hype, the excitement, I enjoy it. Television, I like it, movies are my thing--- both are things of this world. When my faith, my eternity, and my sanity are at stake I have to let these things go if I want to find Christ. I have to focus my attention on what I NEED, not what I WANT. God doesn't want to come second to your lifestyle--- he should be our lifestyle.He doesn't need our opinion, He KNOWS what we need and commands that we live through Him... but we don't. We live through our own eyes, our own heart, our own emotions, our feelings, our expereinces, our desires.... and when it all fails--- we look to Him for help to pick up the peices. See this isn't judgement, this is a way of life... I've lived it too. So many times I see people lost, unable to find their way to Him, to salvation, to happiness, because they have a wall--- a wall of worldy things that clouds the truth, clouds His promises. Again, I'm flawed, I get caught up in the moment and enjoy worldy things a little to much... but I'm very blessed to have been given the chance to know the difference between the life that Christ promises me and the misery Satan offers. Eternity verses this world. I'm writing this blog for people who have the same problem finding light when it's dark, finding Him when He seems so far away... drown out the worldly things and He is right there... very close. When I question whether or not I'm "worthy" I open the good book who gives me PROMISES, not ask others who offer an "opinion" on who I am and where I'm going. I drown out pain of the world, promises of the world, and I focus on Him and what He says. The devil lies, all the time, and he will tell you what you want to hear to get you as far away as possible, believe that and stay aware of it.  Example: It's so important that we distiguish between Lil Wayne's lyrics and the truth God gives us... if you can't- get rid of Lil Wayne until you can-- it's entertainment and should never be your way of life. My lifestyle, my thought process, my choices, my pride kept me so far away from God for so long, I didn't think I was coming back--- after all it was easy to give up, finding hope and love took courage. I had to drown out people, activities, and entertainment- worldy things- to find Him... today I know what worldy things are, and they are temporary. My future is my eternity and focusing on the big picture rather than momentary satisfaction is critical in finding Christ. Although I still feel "unworthy" of His love, I believe Him and all He says... and I've learned through the rain and pain I still have to seek Him and believe Him... and it never fails--- through all the worldy things in my life, I find Him. I'm confident that as long as I can distinguish between the world adn eternity I will always find Him, He's never lost, I am.  Have a blessed night! Rachelle     

Marriage---Ride or Die?

Decided to blog about marriage today…

I’ve been married for 4 years, 4 interesting years.

I married someone I’ve known since the age of 14, my child’s father, my best friend, and honestly someone who knows everything about me.

He is the only person on earth who knows that much about me. (Dangerous)

He is the only child by his mother and I am an only child so our household is pretty funny at times as we are both brats.

 

The best advice on marriage, if you aren’t ready, don’t do it!

I am in love but I wasn’t fully aware of the responsibilities that come with marriage. It requires attention, time, patience, devotion, love, and above all prayer. It isn’t good all the time and you have to learn to work through differences in a very unselfish way… you need to know HOW to do this. You also have to learn that marriage is between you and your spouse, no friends, kids, or family should be allowed in your business. No matter how mad, upset, or angry you get you have to seek out the best in your partner and for your partner.

Marriage gives new meaning to the term “ride or die”. LOL

 

It’s a big step and it can be a disaster if you aren’t prepared and ready for it… but it can also be beautiful. To share your life, good and bad, is fun. You have someone to walk with you through things, to make you smile, and to just be there to make you feel safe.

The Key: marry a GOOD MAN.

What a good man is not----- PERFECT. I find it funny when I hear women “search” for the right man yet they aren’t the right woman for anyone…? Don’t search for someone who doesn’t exist either. If he’s fine, rich, kidless, big home, nice car---- he ain’t SINGLE.

 

All jokes aside, marriage is a partnership. Satan works in marriages everyday… but together you have to overcome that. Be with a person who picks you up and makes you smile… someone who leads you to Christ and away from harm. Don’t settle for less than you deserve, he doesn’t need to be perfect but he needs to be smart. If he’s into other women, let him marry another woman. A man should have his mind and eyes set on you and you only. I’m not oblivious to male tendencies however I am convinced that real men, once they give their life to Christ, are able to battle any demons set before them.

As I said Satan works hard, you have to be able to walk with a man through hard times… he’s a man and WILL have them. The end result: a marriage stronger than you ever pictured, a family with a solid foundation and Christ as the head of your household. Christ put women in a man’s life for a reason, we are the emotion, the thinkers, the feelings… we lead them in areas they lack… but you have to be willing and able to do that.

 

Corinthians speaks well about marriage, I’ve read it a thousand times… here are some of my favs---

 

“Love is not self seeking, it’s not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong.” (1 Corinthians 13:5 )

“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for each other.” (1 John 3:16)

1 Corinthians 13 that “love is kind,” “does not delight in evil,” and “is not self-seeking”

1 Corinthians 7:27-28, that “those who marry will face many troubles in this life.”

I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

 

My husband, good person, good man, good father, and good husband… not perfect but good to his family. I don’t regret sticking by his side one day and I’m grateful that he and I have been through so much, there’s history and we are strong because of it.

Satan works, but he never wins. Never. I’ve enjoyed my journey with my husband and I know we can do anything through Christ. Good times, bad times, hard times, we are one… we do whatever necessary, forsaken ALL others, and make things happen. A bond no one can break, blessed by God, and supported by people we love… it won’t fail as Love never fails.

God first, family second, everything else after…………….

Thought of the Day: If you aren’t a strong woman you WILL NOT stay married. Period.
Key: Any man can love a million girls, but only a real man can love one girl a million ways.

Have a blessed day, Rachelle

 

a special person

tonight i will blog about my mother... because i miss her and my hearts heavy and i want people to get this... anyone can give birth, anyone... but kids, especially daughters are very very reliant on their mothers to teach them their worth and value in life. my mom fought a battle for years and years and it ended up taking her life. often as a child i'd sit and ask her "can't you just stop" i had no udnerstanding of what addiction was... and because i was so strong minded i thought anyone could do anything they wanted to do. period. i didn't udnerstand the worth of a bottle and that asking an addict to make a choice is like setting yourself up for disappointment if they can't.
at 12 i found her passed out and thought she was dead, at 15 i asked her to choose and she did what she had to, at 16 i was told she wouldn't see me graduate but she did, at 19 i was told she wouldn't see me have kids but she did, at 21 i was told she wouldn't see me get married but she did that too... she saw me live my life and find happiness, she shared it with me against all odds and i feel truly blessed that God gave me the time He did... wow. see listen, God knew without my daughter and husband i'd be in the grave with her, He knows your every need before you need it... so He held her until He knew I could survive... that's powerful. am i dishonoring her name, no... i'm being real about who my mother was and stating thru it all i still love and miss her regardless. we mothers, we have a big job on this earth, our kids need us, they thrive on us, they are us. my mother loved me with all her heart, she loved EVERYONE, literally. as i said, these things happen to the BEST of people. choose wisely, today's fun can be tomorrows pain...
it's foolish actually because why would someone want to slowly take their life, it's a serious problem that very very good people have. the hard part, kids can't distinguish between their parent and their parent's issues... then parents become the issue. children are invincible and they expect their parent to be the same, we don't get it. as a 27 year old female i can honestly say this: never, not one day, do i not wish i could go back and tell my mom that she was a great person regardless of any habbit, mistake, or issues she had. you see we don't tell ppl that enough, we wait until they dead to honor them, we don't honor them when they are here. we judge them, we misunderstand them, we pull the "tough love" act, and then we are full or sorrow and guilt when they leave the earth to go home. we want to send flowers or cry at the casket rather than picking up the phone, it's sad actually. we listen to songs that honor them, we quote them, we post pictures, we keep their belongings, pray for them.....we do all this when they are GONE... what do we do when they are HERE on earth with us? you see i carry my mother's ashes in my purse but didn't even take her to the movies when she asked while here on earth, i carry her checkbook but told her no when she asked for money, i carry her drivers lisence but wouldn't take a ride to wal mart with her when she called, i pray for her on a daily basis but didn't pray for her when she was on earth . crazy right.......

make no mistake, parents have to be accountable for their actions, but they are human, as we are. they are subject to mistakes, ugly ways, addiction, death, as well as forgiveness. honestly my issue is this... i forgave my mother a long time ago, but i didn't TELL her. it's very hard to lose someone with unsaid words and feelings... because you have to wait a full life time to see them again.
death, it makes the heart hard. i've never in my life felt so hard, disturbed, or emotional about things in my life. ever. it puts fear in you, fear of getting close to people because you don't want to feel the same pain if they die. see i loved my mother from a distance for so long thinking it would prepare me for her death, not being able to see her face, and i was so foolish. now that i can love her from a distance i'd give my life to see her up close. selfish i know, but its truth.
today, right now, i see my mothers good deeds and her sweet ways and wonder why i didn't see them while she was here. why didn't i aprpeciate them, strive to do the same, understand her needs and wants, and respect her decision while still staying close to her heart. answer: fear.
how is a person who isn't scared of anything now admitting her biggest issue was fear, because it's true. i always knew my mother would leave earth the way she did, at an early age, you see i "planned" this... so i thought... so why is it so hard?
face of the matter is you can't prepare for loss, it happens and hits you like a ton of bricks. you wont understand it, you will ask questions, and even temporarily lose faith. i did for a year, wouldn't step foot in a church, i was bitter and mad at God and didn't understand why He would take my mother and Brooklyn's grandmother. i focused on the "giants" of my life (like death) rather than the seeds (like her going home to be with her Creator). i pushed people away and had so many different emotions running through me i wasn't even sure who i was for a long time. i know i'ma  Christian but i didn't get it.
my mother was an alcoholic, i can say it and smile now, i cried for 23 years about it. i can accept it and all that came with it. i can accept her decisions and respect her because the truth is every expereince, good and bad, has taught me a lesson in my life. i want to have her faith and her generosity, and if it weren't for her i wouldn't know either. she has shed so much light on life and how difficult it can be, but how the victory is way bigger than the battle. it's not about earth, it's about eternity.
i miss her, i see her face everytime i close my eyes, literally. i cry i laugh i moan i fuss i do it all. we have ONE mother, no matter where she comes from, what she does, how she lives, her choices, ect... you are a reflection of her and when she goes a peice of you will too... you can't get that back. it's a bad dream you don't wake up from. surviving it takes a daily focus, prayer and a desire to live, really live. apologize, seriously, you don't know what it's like, you don't know how fast it happens and you don't know how guilt and anger can eat the heart, kill the spirit, and consume your soul. you have no idea... today i'm in a better place. i'm part of a phenomenal church with amazing pastors who take time to pray for me, i have a family who supports me, and i have a husband who understands me. he gets it. my faith in her destination keeps me sane, because there's no question she went to heaven. none. it gives me peace to know she isn't sick anymore and there are no more financial or health problems, only peace and grace, in a kingdom that inhabits a beautiful God who is love, pure love. i take myself there, clsoe my eyes and picture her face in a kingdom full of peace because my entire life, i wanted peace for her.
it's hard... but it's life. it's His will and it isn't up to me...His plan is bigger than mine. i miss her and the selfish part of me wants her here with me and my daughter, but eternity if a perfect place for her gorgeous heart. i wish i was as forgiving, giving, and understanding as she was... love family, don't swear small things, and ask God to give grace when dealing with troubled family members.... it's worth it, trust me. Lesson: LOVE TODAY. rip to my mother...